My Dear Bub,
Can you believe that we have finally reached the big 3-0? Come this weekend, mommy will be 31 weeks pregnant. Another 6 weeks before you reach full-term and another 10 weeks before your due date; mommy can go into labour anytime then and before we know it, you’ll already be in our warm arms. How time flies, it felt as if my pregnancy test just came back positive yesterday and we were still basking in joy and disbelief.
Truthfully, mommy’s scared and unsure. Afraid of labour and the pain/horror that comes with it. Terrified of the reality of raising a child. Petrified of venturing into a territory that is completely alien to me and giving you the best. They seem really daunting for now. Can we cope? Will mommy be good enough for you? Will I be able to juggle work and at the same time, give you all that you deserve? Will you grow up to be a good and principled man? Will you one day turn your back on me and tell me that I’m the worst mother one can ever wish for?
For the past two Saturdays, Daddy and I have been attending ante-natal lessons at Mamalink, Bangsar. Albeit informative and beneficial in every sense, mommy discovered how much my knowledge is lacking in raising, caring and nurturing you. Will you latch on? Will mommy’s determination to breastfeed you last long enough? Will you grow up to prefer Daddy, just like how Odee does? The questions in my head are never-ending.
People say parenthood comes with experience, and it’s not textbook. I guess only time will tell if I am a fit parent. Meantime, come what may…I shall try to think positively and hope for the best.
Billions of people have children and figure it out. My parents did it and so did others. So I must be able to do it too, right? Right! Right?
Your confused and scared mommy