Baby #2: When’s The Right Time?

Before you gasp and think, “She’s expecting AGAIN?”, no, there’s no “Ewanling” in the making. The topic has been lingering in my mind recently though. 

A friend of mine whose baby was born just a few days apart from Ewan, is currently 3 months pregnant with her second child. It’s definitely nothing about peer pressure but it does make me wonder, how do they plan to juggle with a young baby and young toddler at the same time? I can’t imagine going through morning sickness while tending to Ewan’s needs. And the thought of me chasing after Ewan and screaming at the top of my lungs while holding a hungry, crying baby in my arms scares the daylight out of me. Without a helper, I don’t think it’s possible for me to care and give proper attention to two young kids without turning into an exhausted, angry monster. But then again, my mom, your mom and people’s moms did it. “Take it as it comes” was Jac’s advice. BUT I’m a control freak! 🙂

Hubby and I are also not receptive to sending any of our kids to a babysitter and only bring him/her home on weekends; we might as well just get a fish, chuck it in the aquarium and only look/talk to it when we are free, right? So if God’s willing and we are blessed with a second child, I would want to stay home for him/her too. 

I would like to go back to work one day too, when my children are more independent and can express their needs and feelings. My only dilemma is, I don’t want to wait too long nor do I want a baby this soon. The perfect timing would be the Year of Dragon but then again, it’s a CRAZY year for Chinese. They will be racing to conceive and labour wards will be crowded. When it’s time for these babies to start Year 1, they will be competing to get into good schools and each class will be jam-packed. Ditto for when these Dragon babies graduate and go into the working world together. The competition will be just so much tougher, not that I doubt my kids’ capabilities. So yes, it’s an ideal timing for us but no, not a good year. The year after would be too far of a gap and by then, my employment worth will probably be pathetically low, unless I get REALLY lucky. Hubby is keen on another baby for sure. My negotiation for “let’s just stick to one and invest fully on him” failed. So something’s got to give. I’m just not sure what my heart says now.

Which all come to the big question, when is the right time to consider baby #2? What is an ideal age gap between the eldest and his/her next sibling?

For those who already have 2 kids and above, what’s your take? How about those with one toddler now? When do you think is a good time for a sibling to come along?

Thanks for sharing your thought!

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16 thoughts on “Baby #2: When’s The Right Time?

  1. You don’t care about opinion from people who have siblings? Only people who have kids? Hhahaha.. My sister and I are 4 years apart. Theen’s sisters are all 4 years apart. Ping and his brothers are three.

    My advice is, if you care, you should have a baby whenever you are ready for it. Not whenever the lunar calendar is, damnit.

    Happy New Year, love.

    *hugs*

    1. joeyllhow

      Uh-oh you caught me accidentally leaving out the rest ;p Of course I would like to hear about everyone’s opinions. You’re so analytical; never came across my mind to analyze my friends’ siblings’ age gaps 🙂

      It seems that 3 – 4 years are ideal. I just want to close factory at a younger age and go back to work in a couple of years, not like 10 years from now. We actually don’t care which lunar year it is, just so that the ideal timing falls on a busy year 😀 But you’re right, whenever I’m ready!

      1. I definitely agree with Pelf on the last note. To hell with the Lunar Calendar!

        Don’t pressure yourself too much. I am a control freak too, trust me. But somethings are just not ours to plan. At the end of the day, you’ll realize that it was God’s plan after all, always 😉

        So let’s take this with a pinch of salt. Come as it may. Let’s all get pregger next year!

  2. Sye Fen

    Hi Luan Luan, just to share wif u. Me & my sis are 4 yrs different & my sis wif my bro is 5 yrs difference. My personal opinion, anytime u think u r ready & do not rush for it. Plus u hav gone through your “time limit i.e. b4 30-35” for the 1st child, so no age limitations for u for the 2nd one. I have seen ppl who hav 2 kids, wif only 1 yr apart, they end up wif 2 maids while the mum is working.

    So, don’t care & only you think ur heart & mind & also financial is ready, you may start to consider. FYI, me & my sis have the same month & day birthday although we are 4 yrs apart. C, u can create somethin different. 🙂

    1. joeyllhow

      Wow Sye Fen, your parents are hebat…same date four years apart? That takes lots of coordination and timing, man! 🙂

      For now, we just want to focus on raising Ewan, definitely no rush here. He’s really a handful; I lost weight after staying home, can you believe it?

      Thanks for contributing. When the time is right, when I’m ready, it is!

      1. Sye Fen

        haha….nope…they don’t even plan for it. Traditional ppl don’t even think of it, it just so lucky. This is good as when my sis & i grown up separately, we still remember each other.

        Wah…this is good…u lost weight…nvr expect that… 🙂

        Yup! U r rite, when u r ready…no worry.. 🙂

  3. BQ Lim

    Joey, im thinking to have my 2nd baby on Snake Year.
    haha, you know why?
    Rabbit, always good with me (Dog), but i think thats too fast to have Rabbit baby. I’m scared that I cant cope or might neglect Jason’s needs/feeling at his very young age.
    Not even think on the Dragon, coz Dog(me) is not match with it.
    So, It’ll be Snake.Til that time, Jason is 3yrs+ o maybe 4years old, can express his needs clearly and more independent. 😉

    1. joeyllhow

      BQ, I just keep worrying that if I leave the workforce for too long, nobody would want to hire me. Guess I’ll just take one day at a time. If that’s the way it turns out, then I’ll just keep staying home and annoy my kids 🙂

  4. Another control freak here. Nearly driven nuts by toddler these 2 days.
    My plan is for the children to be 2 calendar years apart, can still play together. Just like my younger sister and I.

    I plan to homeschool for a while, so easier to reuse resources.

    I’ve the get-it-over-and-done-with tendency too: pregnancy, caring for baby. Wish to continue while the experience is still fresh.

    Yet nature sometimes takes time, even though I’m totally ready now. Every year we grow, successful conception becomes more difficult. So, I won’t suggest waiting too long, unless still before 30 years old.

    Then again, my youngest sister is 12 years younger than me!!!

    Once you’re ready, just do it. I’m sure control freaks will find a way to manage. 🙂

    1. joeyllhow

      MieVee, I have to agree that control freaks will find a way to manage! So true! 😀 It’s just the process of finding a solution that scares me.

      Since Baby Vee is turning 2 soon, you’re a good testimonial to whether a toddler & baby of such age gap are manageable. Hope that the stork visits your home soon! Do let us know ya 😉

  5. Yen

    Sorry about the previous reply. iPhone is not very friendly when typing with only one hand. 😛

    I think 2 years apart is the best but Robin just told me this morning that we should wait till he’s back in KL for good.

    1. joeyllhow

      Ahh so we’re not getting pregnant together again? Hope Robin can come back for good soon, tempt him with playdates to attend 😀

  6. Elicia

    Hi! Have been reading ur blog fir a while! Just wanna chip in and say u can plan but God always hv a plan for u too 🙂

    When I had my first son 13 yrs ago, I can’t imagine having another to divert my attn haha! Took me 3 yrs before deciding to conceive and had my 2nd son 4 yrs apart. Then I accidently conceived my 3rd kid during the BF weaning off period and have a lovely little girl!

    Now 7 yrs later, hv just delivered my 4th child – another girl – also conceived by accident! Mind u, am 43 yrs old dy – and my kids’ ages are 13, 9, 7, newborn:P 2 boys, 2 girls! My advice – just go with the flow – kids are a blessing, enjoy them:)

    BTW, both my girls delivered by Dr Choong Kuo Hsiang:) I’ve seen like 5 gynaes over the last 15 yrs or so – I wld highly recommend him – one of the best!

    1. joeyllhow

      Hi Elicia,

      Thanks for the comment and sorry for the late reply. Most of all, congratulations on your baby!

      Wow, 2 girls and 2 boys…just perfect! It must be nice to have children of different ages/stages surrounding you ya? I would love to have a big family too but the thought of labour pain and sleepless nights scare me off. Yes, you’re right. We should all just go with the flow. Who knows, maybe I’ll end up having more than two kids one day 😀

      As tiring as it can be, motherhood rocks!

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